What I am?

What I am?

Hey everyone! Its been a nice week, today we all have planned to bunk the school , because some of our teachers will be absent so today there will be no special classes. Well I think from last few days I got some intrest towards study J its because we have 1^st preboard examinations from december and I got a bundle of preassure of studies over my head, I have to study and practices a lot specially the accountancy , economics and programming,

“Up and down

Nothing is up

Exams are near

So everything is down down and down”

I have wasted 12 years of my life and only two months left to prove best to my momma and dad.

Know what I am a great losser, I loose everything because of my disguisting activities.I don’t know how to manage every subjects in this short time to score some good marks, but I am trying my best that I can.But I don’t know what will happen if I fail? I will feel like to kill myself.

I am always been bad to my momma and dad for my stupid disguisting activities. I steal money, I behave rudely with them and many more.two years before I took admission in science stream, but due to my madness I left the school.i was getting nothing in physics and maths so I thought its better to leave science, perhaps if I may had a try again,

Also I went mad in love with someone.i was not aware that people can make use of someone’s kindness and affection, I was a damn mad a bloody stupid a worse than hell.I felt kind towards a girl who was suffering from brain tumor. She told she feels good to talk with me all the time.i thought she is in a great pain and it will be good to help her God will be happy.so without thinking anything like a damn fool I left my studies I left my entire career just to make her feel good and happy by talking with her whole day through sms, I also loose my bestest friend because of her.I use to steal money from my parents to recharge the balance of her and mine cellphone so that we could talk whole day.I spoiled a lot of money of my parents.one day she broke the relation with a silly cause and I had nothing to say.i lost my feeling I lost my kindness to other, now I feel like a dwelling soul, everymoments kill me when ever I think that what I have done.

For this things mom dad hates me now I know what the worse I did, but this board exam means me a lot to me it can bring a little smile on my parents’ face.if I losse this chance then I don’t know what gonna happen to me, I never asked for HELP from God, but for this !Oh God please help me!

Sometimes I feel happiness don’t suits me so I don’t enjoy anything , can’t smile from heart and I feel my heart have become a stone.I got a GF. She loves me a lot she belives me blindly but I can’t able to give her love from my frozen heart. I told her to leave away from me, but she told

 “if you can’t love someone or don’t want to love someone so what, can’t you give the right to someone to love you?”

Life always had choices, I wanted to prove best in myself the best in me, I thought I had choose the right way but I was not aware that the way I had choose is wrong actually.life is not as it looks like from out side , we need to got depth in it to understand.

I would like to say from my experience that.. when you will be In lot of pain don’t feel yourself a week, don’t break yourself and feel worse, but compare your pain with the people who are in more pain than you, then you will feel like that your pain is nothing and you will be able to find some way to sort out.

I don’t know what you people will feel after reading this, add some lines in the comments that you wanna say to me, abuse me or whatever you wanna say just write it, I wont get hurt.