I am so bad :(

Now these days I am feeling like I am sorrunded in the enviornment of sorrows and pain.I am not getting happy from my parents nor my love life. I am so bad and something is wrong with me, but what is that??


My mom dad think That I don't love them as I always behave with them indifferently, sometime very rudely, All these happens because of my frustation, my anixity.I know I am very bad boy but Not that much as they think.Please somebody make this read to my parents.


"Mom and dad please don't take me and my words wrong always.Whatever I says I don't say with my heart my frustation, my anixity compeel me to say those words, I has completely losse my control over my mind I can't think what I as saying to whome.I really love you momma and dad as every child love their parents.But never showed you how much i love you both. When I hurt you I forget to smile, I forget to eat , I forget to sleep, I forget to talk with anyone I just find how to say sorry but I never got the strength to speak the words "S O R R Y" because I know I am not forgiveable .
Every parents feel proud of their child, but I don't make you feel proud I know, But I promise one day I will not make you proud of me but I will make you proud yourself. I broke your faith by leaving science and taking commerce stream, Every of your friend's children are studying enggineering , but I will try to do more than an engineer  . I am sure you have to feel proud one day. I really love you momma and daddy."


Tension for exam, anixity of exams and tension of love life has completely eaten me and changed me. Does a single mistake can dumb a good love realtionship? why don't she forgive and think about how to make the realtion more stronger? Is she thinking about breakup or something?


Sometime I think I am not the perfect boy for her, I think may be I can't give her so much of love as she deserve, she is really very good girl but I am dumb f**k. I think I has took all her smile all her happines.She smile she laugh with everyone very politely and naturally but when ever I try to get a glimps of her smile she stuck her jaws and stay stubborned, She never tells whats going in her life.


Earlier I use to think love life is the happiest part of life But I don't think so, people with real depth can't be happy always.Now I think people who love eachother as a formalities to love they are best because they never gets hurt for anything.
But depth love like me really sucks and kill me every moments. I don't know what to do. please someone help me.